I had been thinking about my year end post and what I wanted to write when I took a break and headed to Pinterest for a little mindless looking around. I was surprised to find a “pin” that perfectly summed up my thoughts. It says: “2019 – a weird year because I was somehow living my best life and my worst life at the same time”. I don’t know who wrote this but I wish it was me, because it is the perfect way to describe my 2019.
Sometimes the contrasts seemed to collide head on. I had a 3rd and final job interview scheduled and had to delay because I caught the flu! When I later landed that job, I took a few days off in between and we had a “bomb cyclone” snow storm that stranded me at home for a few days. Probably the biggest one of all – I managed to book my dream motorcycling trip to Alaska and then had an accident that could have take my life . . . two days before my birthday.
I confess to waking up in pain some mornings and wondering why this is necessary. Why am I still here if all I am going to experience is pain, day in and day out? Because there are also days like this, when the pain is gone, the sun is shining and the skies are an unbelievable shade of blue. Days when I feel like I can accomplish anything! Because there are more lessons to learn, to teach and to share. More adventures to have and to learn from. My life has value. And meaning. It took me several weeks (months?) after the accident to realize that but the moment I did, and said it out loud, my perspective changed. I still can’t say it without tearing up, but that simply reminds me that I have important work to do.
As in years past, I have kept my gratitude jar going. Yes, some weeks it is difficult to find something to put in there. But I do it anyway, even if the only thing I can come up with is I’m grateful to still be here. Because as long as I’m here, there is always, always room for improvement. Life can turn on a dime as the saying goes, but that also means it can improve in a blink too. I am looking forward to the very end of December when I’ll pull all the papers out of my gratitude jar and spend some time reflecting on 2019. I hope that I can come to appreciate the contrasts and the depth they bring to my life.